I wonder how and why sometimes right things happen at the right time. There’s 'some' mystery behind this accurate timing which I am not even trying to figure out, but one purpose, if at all, behind this right timing could be: universe is infuriated by my steep unwariness and is out there to teach me to at least move an inch towards perfection and understanding.
Sometimes you are in deep pain, and in such a pain that even tears make an effort in vain to put you to sleep, and then incidentally you come across something like De Profundis and all the iron strings of your heart vibrate to produce a harmonious music that makes you understand your behavior better, accept your pain and shame and let your ‘right’ surface, which above all is the most important thing.
The book speaks to you exactly those things which you probably are thinking or have thought at some point and conforms to your value system. I now know what W.H. Auden meant when he said “A real book is not one that we read, but one that reads us”, and rightly so. Oscar Wilde did not exactly surprise me; he’s always been adorable, but this time when I was being draped by the feeling of being lost and indecisive he was a guiding light. But most importantly, and truly so, I think that it was not Mr. Wilde’s conscious choice to guide me. It was him, unconsciously there, helping me in bringing THAT feeling up and spreading it across my whole body into each vein. The whole process was so amazing that I was left surprised feeling like a fool while writing this down.
Relationships, any sort, books or real people, bring the worse and the best out in you. They put you through deep pain and misery and sometimes unexplained sorrow and that’s how they, in the process, render you with the greatest clarity and knowledge that you could possibly have of yourself. Every relationship should be put to test. Tests are never a conscious choice though and if otherwise, I am not sure if it be called good or bad. Relationships (with people), like books, read you, and they read you to confuse you about who and why you are, but the sorrow that they bring with them is the only solid parameter they use to read you accurately. The most painful test of human emotions is testing a mortal through his relationships.
As for the timing, I guess it’s the universe that conspires for the whole process and if it does, I am thankful. I got De Profundis at the right time for helping me surfacing my vanishing conviction . I shall be indebted for more than a lifetime to Mr. Oscar Wilde for writing De Profundis. From helpless tenacity to liberation; Mr Wilde, I am thankful.
